The Other Woman

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I love spending time with you

I love cooking for you

I love how we make love, but why I am the other woman

I love how we talk on the phone

I love the big gifts you give me

I love our secret getaways, but why am I the other woman

You’re happy with me

You’re comfortable with me

You say you’ve found the one, but why I am the other woman

We are still together

We still have our talks

We still have our secret getaways; I guess I’ll still be the other woman

You still give me gifts

Our lovemaking is great

I still make you happy, I guess I’ll still be the other woman

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My Affirmations for Wanting Something

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I am worthy

I deserve this

This is made to be for me

The doors will open for me

Opportunities are coming to me

Nobody will have this but me

My time is now

Things are coming my way

Let Your Guard Down

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I’ve been going back and forth about this topic. Due to the current events I’ve seen lately, that was a sign for me to talk about it. For many years, I have always heard that a woman needs to be submissive to her man. How I was brought up, that was not the case. My great grandma and my mom are women that had to take care of everything. The men they had were crap. The women took care of everything while the men did what they wanted to do. When I came along, I was taught to have your own. Don’t rely on a man for nothing. As soon as you do, they will leave you cold and dry with nothing. I always feel like both parties should have their own. The old way of doing things is dead to me. While the man is out providing and bringing it back home, after a while the woman is going to want to do something for herself too. Now as far as being in relationships, I do feel like the man should lead and the woman should follow. Men are taught to be natural leaders and providers. Women are taught to be supporters. The way relationships are these days, it’s not built that way. The relationships I’ve seen, there is no partnership. There is no teamwork. It’s always one sided. As the saying goes, teamwork makes the dream work. Without that, you might as well end the relationship. Also, you must have communication and understanding about how your relationship is going to be. It’s good to ask for advice but at the end of day, you and your partner needs to make the final decision of your relationship.

Independent Woman

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I pay my own bills, I have my own place, but why am I lonely

I go out, I step out of my comfort zone, but why am I not supported

I travel the world, I experience difference cultures, but why am I empty

I get my hair done, nails done; buy new clothes, but why am I not getting attention

When I help need with my car, I feel comfort

When I am alone, I get supported

When I’m in the grocery store, I am full

When I’m natural and free, my attention is satisfied

 

Do you see me?

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I’m here with you, I lay with you, but do you see me?

I cook for you, I clean for you, but do you see me?

I take care of business, I make love to you, but do you see me?

You heard my words, maybe you will see me

You heard my cry, maybe you see me

When I leave, you finally see me.

 

Untitled

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This is a very touchy subject for everyone including myself. I was going back and forth about doing this. I feel like I need to release this. I feel like all my writings have help people before so I need to continue it.

When people see me, they see me as the strong one. I’m the dependable one. I’m one of the ones that no one worries about me because I have it all together. As I have gotten older, I am. But when I was younger, I was far from it. I was very insecure about myself. It didn’t help matters when you are looked at as being the oddball. I was big, tall, and bright skin. Talk about standing out. Then on top of that, I didn’t have anyone encouraging me or making me feel beautiful. I always was told that I need to lose weight or that I need to act a certain way. I knew growing up that I was different but the way people was treating me made me feel uncomfortable. The way I dealt with things was I would fight. If you made me feel uncomfortable or you were talking bad about me, I would get revenge. I would get in trouble but I felt great afterwards.

In middle school, things got worse. When I was around my friends, I was great. I was able to be myself and be free to do so. Going home, it was totally different. My mom use to fuss at me all the time. She would tell me all the time I need to act like my brother. “Why you not like your brother?” “You need at be like your brother.” You act just like your daddy.” “Stop acting like your daddy.” My daddy was in and out of my life and he wasn’t a good husband to my mom…you do the math. For me, it made me feel so bad. On one hand, my friends are accepting me for you I am. On the other hand, I’m feeling horrible being who I am around my mom. Also, she treated my brother like he was the golden child but she treated me like I was the ugly duckling. I compare my life to Cinderella. I was Cinderella and my mom was the evil stepmother. By the way, it’s my favorite Disney movie so far.

Dealing with these emotions and actions, I was thinking about suicide. Things were getting worse. My mom was the devil at this point. My daddy wasn’t around. I had no one to talk to about this. I felt so alone. I felt like I was trapped. One day, I was in my room. I had scissors in my hand. I don’t remember why I had them. I just did. Then, I looked at my wrist. I was thinking how would it feel to cut my wrist. I kept going back and forth with it. Then, I shook it off and decided to go to sleep. While I’m sleeping, a voice came to me. I believe in God so I feel like it was He or Jesus. God told me that he loves me. He said he doesn’t me to harm myself. He said things would get better. I remember I didn’t get up or was scared. When I finally got up, I felt released. It was like chains were breaking off of me. I felt like as a feather. At that time, I didn’t understand it like I do now. After that, everything felt like I was playing around in an imaginary field chasing a rainbow.

As far as I can remember, I didn’t think about suicide anymore. Things were looking up for me. I started feeling good to be me. I really can’t explain it because it was a 180-degree experience for me. God was there by my side. He was talking to me. My mom’s life took a turn. My great grandmother was getting sick. My mom’s health wasn’t the best. My daddy was gone more. She was in the progress of trying to leave him. She started treating me better.

Today, I am more self aware of what’s going on around me and to me. I get vibes that either something is right or wrong. When I feel like when I get overwhelm, I take a break from everything and everybody. When people are talking negative towards me or isolate me, I look at that as a blessing. As the phrase goes, what comes around goes around.

 

Why are you jealous?

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You see me hustling to make money but you keep asking for money,

Why are you jealous?

You see me trying new things but you mad because you doing the same things,

Why are you jealous?

You see me happy in love but you settling for good enough,

Why are you jealous?

You see me living in my own place but you staying at your mama house,

Why are you jealous?

You see me happy with who I am but you doing an easy fix,

Why are you jealous?

You see me living my life but you trying to keep up with appearances,

Bless your little heart…

 

Clout Chasing

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As Cardi B and Offset say…“They do anything for clout.” They do anything for clout.” They do anything for clout.” That is definitely what’s going on today. Most people of my younger generation seem to think if you do anything for clout, you will go far. First let me break down what clout means. The urban definition for clout is doing things to make you famous or to have an influence to people. I think some people don’t realize famous people have to pay their dues to get where they are at. It doesn’t come easy. A wise man once said; if it comes easy then I don’t want it.

I know for me I appreciated everything that has been given to me. I didn’t get them easy. I had to work my butt off. I’m still working hard to get things. I’m actually glad that I wasn’t one of the ones that everybody handed things to me. I had to make sacrifices in order to get it one day. For me, I love and appreciate more. If it was given to me freely, I would probably use it and abuse it. I would look at it as quantity not quality. Celebrities like Tyler Perry and Julia Roberts came from humble beginnings to get where they are. It took hard work, dedication, and perseverance.

I feel like people need to use their talents and gifts to them where they need to be. Showing your body and your dance moves are going to get old after a while. You need to have something with some substance that’s going to get you off. You also have to pay your dues to be able to appreciate what’s been giving to you. Otherwise, you are going to come off as a spoiled brat. Sorry if that hurt your feeling but that’s the truth.

 

 

School Days

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You get your new clothes. You get your new shoes. You make sure you get all the supplies you need for school. You make sure you get plenty of sleep. In the middle of the night, you get no sleep. You are so excited to go to school until: you can’t get any sleep. Then, you wake up when the alarm goes off. You get up and get dress. You are rushing to get to school. You are at school. You get really nervous about everything. In your mind, you don’t know what to expect. You don’t know what to do. Your palms get sweaty. You are at a lost. What happened with me getting excited for school to now I don’t want to go to school.

I was this way when I entered high school. I was so confused. I didn’t know what to do. I even went back to my mom’s car and told her I couldn’t do it. My mom calm me down and told me everything was going to be alright. You have been waiting to be here. You are going to do great. After about 30 minutes, I was fine. I walked back in. I waved at my mom letting her know I was good to go. I walked in again. I looked around. I was like this is a huge place but I can do all things I put my mind to. My mom gave me that phrase going up. It stuck with me. I kept saying it 3 times. I took 3 deep breaths. I walked with my head held high. I was okay after that. I saw my friends. I went over and chatted with them.

Being in school will have you nervous or excited. One hand, you want things to be perfect. You want perfect grades. You want perfect attendance. You want to make more friends. You want to be accepted by everyone. You want to join different clubs. Try not to overthink the experience. It will have your emotions all over the place. If you are a shy person, try to find someone that’s stuck in the corner looking for a friend. If you are nervous, have someone that can guide and encourage you to be great at all things. I know for me I can be an introvert or an extrovert. If I have known for a while, then it’s easy for me to make conversation. If I don’t know you, it takes me a minute to warm up. Once I got over my nervousness, I was able to succeed in school. I made good grades. I had great friends. I was able to be in different clubs to help my community. I loved it. Sometimes, I wish I was back at it.

The advice I would say to any young person being in school is be you. Don’t try to overdo it. Young people put too much pressure on themselves to be perfect for everyone. When all you have to do is sit back and relax. It’s okay. You can do all things you put your mind too. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something that makes you uncomfortable. It’s not worth it. You are pleasing them but you need to please yourself first. Also, I would say love the person you are. Be in love with your goofiness, your snorty laugh, and how you present yourself. Be in love with you. Don’t let anybody you have to be someone else when God made you to be you. If they don’t like, they will be plenty of people that will love you. One more thing, you are very intelligent. Don’t downplay your intelligence for anybody. If they want good grades, you tell them they need to work hard like you to get them.

 

 

IT’S SNAKES AROUND

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IT’S SNAKES AROUND YOU! IT’S SNAKES AROUND YOU! Chile, you got to be careful now days. People are out to get you.

The reason why I started my writing with that is because people today are sneaky. When you down, they love to be down with you. When you get up again, they are plotting to bring you down. I’m the type of person that I give everybody the benefit of the doubt. I also have my eyes and ears open at all time. If I get a connection from you, there is nothing I won’t do for you. At the same time, I plot things and say things just to see who’s really in my corner and who’s there for an opportunity. I have people take advantage of me and treat me any kind of way. At the same time, I was lost and didn’t know myself. Now, I am so in love with myself until my intuition triggers me right away. It’s sad that I have to be on guard for the most part but sometimes you have to be to protect yourself.

I chose to write about this because: it happened to me, recently. I was friends with someone for a while. I thought we had a connection instantly. Our life stories are similar. Everything felt right…in the beginning. I’m the type of person I’m loyal by default. When you hurt me or I feel the vibe is wrong with you, I will cut you out of my life. I thought me and my friend was fine. One day, his friend came out of nowhere saying things that wasn’t true about me. I was looking confused. I’m looking like, “where did this come from?” I’m cool with everybody but I don’t share myself with everybody. For her to come at me like this…I was like something is up. I feel it in my spirit. So took a step back to analyze the situation. The question I was asking myself was: Where did this come from? Why is it happening to me? Who would feed this energy to her? When I answer the questions, it came back to my friend. I took me off guard. I thought our friendship was great. After this incident, I was like why would he do this to me? I thought long and hard about it. It came to me. He’s not happy with himself. He has a negative energy about him that will drain your soul out. I am a happy and bubbly person. I like to bring joy and happiness to everyone. I guess he couldn’t take my personality. He tried to belittle me. I’m the type of person I rise above anything. I might be hurt but still I rise as Maya Angelou would say. Today, I don’t talk to him anymore. I just step away from the situation. I have been happy and bless ever since.

Advice: Love everyone and be careful. The people you think is for me may not be right to you. Also, it’s good to know you can stand alone. Sometimes being by yourself is the best medicine for my mind, body, and spirit